When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
