She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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