So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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