Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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