Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
