Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
