walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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