And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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