happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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