Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
