Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
