Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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