We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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