And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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