Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
