I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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