I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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