He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
