I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
