Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
