Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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