just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can I color on your dick again?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
