my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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