My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
