She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
