I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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