when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
