Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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