Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
