Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
