So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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