I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
