I'm jealous of your bromance
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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