the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
