Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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