Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
