So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
