Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
