Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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