saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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