If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
