I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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