You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
