I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
