I got chris browned last night
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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