Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize