Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
