"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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