you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
