And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
