We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
