you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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