I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
