All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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