I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
