Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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