my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
