Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
