I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
