Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
