Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This is the high leading the old right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize