i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
