I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
