Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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