Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
