The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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